Today I was listening to music while getting work done-- a rare treat brought on by being the only Pomona Hope staff member in the building for a few hours while the gym floor outside of my office was getting a buffing. During this time, a song came on Pandora that I vividly remember listening to when I was first starting to volunteer with Pomona Hope, back in 2006. I remember driving home while listening to it, in tears, because of all the things that the kids I volunteered with would tell me about what life was like for them. Back then, there was a group of girls who, I was later told, everyone had trouble getting close to. It didn't seem to be much of a problem for me. But I guess, where others were trying to bond with these 6th graders over nail polish and stickers, I came in with ghost stories and Disneyland facts (my weirdness paid off!). After a couple weeks of hanging out, they began to open up to me. And the things they told me about living in the neighborhood were so heartbreaking, that I would drive home in tears. Kids should not have to know the things they knew. They should not be desensitized to the things they had to see, hear, and live with.
When I heard this song again today, I had to shut the door as I remembered the calls I would get from one girl when she was at home, because she couldn't take it anymore, and I would try to calm her down and tell her that I loved her, and that it would turn out okay. I cried back then because it all almost seemed hopeless, and it wasn't fair for the kids who were growing up in that.
The song that brings back this flood of memories? "How to Save a Life" by The Fray. It was a pretty new song back then, and it seemed to speak straight to the situation I found myself in.
"How to Save a Life"
Step one, you say, "We need to talk."
He walks, you say, "Sit down. It's just a talk."
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
'Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
Pray to God, he hears you
And I pray to God, he hears you
And where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
He walks, you say, "Sit down. It's just a talk."
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
'Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
Pray to God, he hears you
And I pray to God, he hears you
And where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
When I heard it today, I decided to look up the meaning of the song. I was a little concerned about the actual meaning, given the feeling of hopelessness throughout the song. It turns out, it applied to my situation more closely than I thought:
According to lead singer, pianist and songwriter Isaac Slade, the song was composed and influenced by his experience while working as a mentor at a camp for troubled teens:
“ One of the youngsters I was paired up with was a musician. Here I was, a protected suburbanite, and he was just 17 and had all these problems. And no one could write a manual on how to save him. ”
Here I was, a protected suburbanite, and she was just 12 and had all these problems.
Pomona Hope has changed and grown a lot over the years. We now have 3 staff members, instead of one. We have an Executive Director! (YAY! Emily!) And we're hoping to continue to grow, and to be a vehicle for the transformation of the community we serve.
I managed to keep in touch with most of the girls over the years. Several have stayed involved with Pomona Hope. They've graduated high school. One is a wonderful volunteer with us now and one went on the UC Berkeley! But at some point, early on, that one girl stopped coming.
I found out last year that she fell in with a bad crowd for awhile, and she became a mom at a young age. But all hope isn't lost, because from what I hear, she's a good mom, and she still lives in the area. So maybe her son or daughter will join Pomona Hope in a couple years, and we'll get to start fresh and help the second generation of the family. But this time, I'll be able to devote my whole self to making sure the pattern doesn't repeat itself, with no manual, but more experience, thanks to your support.
Happy Easter!
